The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...