Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.