WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
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we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.