I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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