I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me