I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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