Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
