you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
