I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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