She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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