i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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