She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
