i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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