You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
