You really coming over, don't trick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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