no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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