i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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