You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
