You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
