What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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