just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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