my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
