I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
