You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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