i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
