I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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