This house was built for laser tag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
