i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
