She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
