I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
