I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
