I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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