First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
