just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
