what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
