How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
