just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
