Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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