I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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