How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
