I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
