All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
