glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
