You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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