i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it hurts more in the daytime
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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