I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
