The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize