Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
