The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
