I skipped work to stalk him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So many bounce houses so little time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
as a side note pls kill me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
