Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
