He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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