"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
