I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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