yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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