I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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