so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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