wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this is an emotional support booty call
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
