I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
