ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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