sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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