no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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