it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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