when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
