apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
