Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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