found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
