there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.