I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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