i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful