someone threw a dead crab at me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
