I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
