Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
