mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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