Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
