I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
