On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
