it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
