Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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