you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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