Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
